Friday, May 02, 2003

Right, so what’s up with health food? Why would anyone eat “healthy”? Tell me. Is it really “healthy” for everyone to die of colon, breast, and prostate cancer? You know, if we weren’t living so long we wouldn’t be having these problems. To die from bacon, lighting, pork chops, disgruntled Arminians, sausage, anime seizures, or pig is natural… but come on, COLON CANCER!?
And speaking of colon cancer, it is entirely obvious that the best super powers are 1) flying 2) moving through matter and 3) invisibility. And Wazoo, shut up about morphing. Morphing is clearly the handmaiden to the D3vil. Step back from the brink! Seriously, could you pick a more cowardly super power? Why don’t you just use the “invincible shield of doom”? I can’t believe that we are in the same house. Did I raise you that poorly? No, I didn’t raise you at all! That’s right I woulda never raised one so yellow (figuratively—not actually because I’m asian). But believe me this: you will be corrected this egregious error, even if it means I hafto go Darth Maul on you. Let the world know, I am the Annihilator!

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